Hey baby, you may be frozen, but you sure warm me…….

Day 250
Listening to: Separate Ways
Thought for the day: So long January. Please bring my teacher friends school debilitating snow on your last day!

Snowman/woman Pickup Lines & Personal Ads (WARNIG: this may be a bit risqué )

My teacher friends are seriously Jones-ing for a snow day. With snow in the forecast, I want to help!!! I’m not turning my pajamas inside out or doing any kind of snow dance for you guys. Instead, I thought I’d provide a list of what a snowman/woman might post as a personal ad/pickup line on the winternet. The photo? It’s from two years ago. Yes, I made the snowwoman. My pickup line at the time? SWSW (single white snow woman) ISO (in search of) SWSM (single white snow man) who likes long walks in the woods, Air Supply, and sipping wine by the refrigerator light.

Ready? Here we go. Buckle up.

SWSM ISO SWSW who likes long sits on a snow-covered lawn and candles-less dinners.

SWSW ISO SWSM: Carrot size matters. Let’s keep it cool.

SWSM ISO SWSW with big snow cones and snow bank. BABY GOT BANK!

SWSM ISO SWSW: I will make you melt. Put me in your bed and you’ll wake up wet.

PICKUP LINE: Hey baby, you may be frozen, but you sure warm me!

PICKUP LINE: I definitely am made of snowflakes because I’ve fallen for you. (Cue the groans)

PICKUP LINE: Once you go yellow, you never try another snow fellow.

I guess I should stop. There ya go! I hope I don’t jinx my teacher friend’s chances. I misspelled jinx last night (ginx instead of jinx). I figure a jinx who is just a ginx is a super duper jinx. So maybe tonight if I’m jinxing you it’s a little jinx instead of a ginormous ginx.

Bonus Hockey Shrimp

Day 249
Listening to: Footloose
Thought for the day: Bubba in Forrest Gump: Anyway, like I was sayin’, shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, sauté it……………. Me: or you can hibachi grill it and fling it at someone’s mouth.

Wednesday Night Dinner Club – Sakura

One of my favorite things about eating at Sakura is the bonus shrimp. Regardless what you order (I ordered chicken), you always get two shrimp (today’s photo). It’s like bonus hockey (overtime) except with shrimp. There was a time when the hibachi grill cooks at Sakura would fling shrimp in the air and challenge someone at the table to catch it in their mouth. For some reason, they don’t fling shrimp anymore. They gently put it on each plate. What a bunch of bonus shrimp sissies. Maybe they knocked someone’s tooth out and had to stop. Come to think about it there is a lot to this bonus hockey/shrimp analogy. Speaking of hockey, my family informed me yesterday that I’m no longer allowed to be a Predator’s fan. So far this season, the Preds have been forced into three overtimes (bonus hockey) and lost all three games. I may be a jinx to the Preds, but I am not a bonus shrimp jinx. No one has ever lost an eye in my presence at a hibachi grill.

A Krystal Farewell

Day 248
Listening to:  You’ve Got A Friend
Thought for the day: Farewell! God knows when we shall meet again.  ~William Shakespeare

Being single means that when sad or bad news is imminent, I bear the burden of the message alone.  There is no significant other close by to hug me and remind me to stay grounded.  The beauty of Facebook is that friends are ALWAYS just a click away.  Your support in the loss of my grandmother was a beautiful thing and I thank each of you who sent me messages or commented on my post.  I read every single post (sometimes more than once).

My family formally said goodbye to Granny Sally today in a cemetery.  We spiritually said goodbye to her via eating Krystal hamburgers………… ALL.  DAY.  LONG.  Krystal was Granny Sally’s favorite.  She kept them in her freezer she enjoyed them so much.  My stomach isn’t exactly pleased with the gut bomb occupation right now, but I know Granny Sally is in Heaven smiling.   If I die before any of you, I suspect those of you who know me well know what food(s) you could band together and eat in my honor. I expect it.  I will haunt you if you don’t.  Not really.

Last Grandparent Lost

Day 247
Listening to: Go Rest High
Thought for the day: A child needs a grandparent, anybody’s grandparent, to grow a little more securely into an unfamiliar world. ~Charles and Ann Morse

My Granny Sally (my mother’s mother) passed away peacefully in her sleep this morning at the age of 89. She was the last of my living grandparents. The moment I was born she became a great source of stability for me. Whenever the world walked out on me, she always walked in.

I’ve been trying to decide what I would write about her today, but my brain feels like it has exploded into a ticker tape parade of Granny Sally memories. I can’t focus. Sally was most at home sitting at the kitchen table philosophizing about politics, history, and the latest small-town gossip. She would hold court for anyone who would listen. I was often a very willing and captive audience. One of the most indelible marks she left on me was a love for history. For those who didn’t know her, you do know her through me and my love for history. Everything I do history-related has Granny Sally stamped all over it.

I will forever be grateful for the love she showed me and shared with me. RIP Sally Ruth Moulder

Grumpy Cat Invades a Dog’s World

Day 246
Listening to: Rock Me Amadeus (it’s Mozart’s birthday)
Thought for the day:  “Our riches, being in our brains, die with us…unless of course someone chops off our head, in which case, we won’t need them anyway.”  -W. A. Mozart

Is Pearl

  1. Pouting over the rising popularity of Grumpy Cat?
  2. Doing her best impersonation of Grumpy Cat?
  3. Experimenting with techniques revealed in Grumpy Cat’s book “How to Lose Friends, Influence People, and Not Give a F**k”?
  4. Reminiscing about the gas she experienced after eating an entire chocolate cake when she was a pup (it is National Chocolate Cake Day after all)?

NONE OF THE ABOVE…….. well maybe 4.  Pearl just doesn’t like to have her photo made. She is not amused.  I have figured out the flash bothers her.  Every time she hears the bllllaaaiiing sound my camera makes when I turn it on, she protests.  I didn’t do much today except sit on the couch with Pearl and watch the Housewives of This and the Housewives of That.   Come to think of it, maybe my choice of TV viewing is why Pearl is REALLY looking like grumpy dog.

What? No 4th of July Chocolate Firecrackers?

Day 245
Listening to: I Can’t Help Falling in Love With You
Thought for the day: “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” ~Charles M. Schulz

Behold ! I give you my heart.

This morning, a person by the name of “Bad Banana” Tweeted the following, “We’re heading into a new holiday season according to the changing color of these M&Ms I’ve been shoveling into my mouth.” I think I found my soul mate. Like leaves that belt out a visual symphony of “we’re dying” in the fall to trees that whisper a sweet “hey, baby we’re back” lullaby in the spring, the holiday aisle in the local grocery store is constantly changing. For me, I am drawn to a specific candy. Hershey’s produces chocolate Christmas bells, Valentine hearts (today’s photo), and Easter bunnies. Bells, Hearts, and Bunnies………oh my. It’s not your typical Hershey’s chocolate. This chocolate is drugged. I’m addicted and have no shame whatsoever. Here’s the thing. Why is there not a chocolate aisle on July 4th? It’s a travesty. Chocolate firecrackers? Hello!

Ice, Ice Baby….. F that…. Where’s the Beach?

Day 247
Listening to:  Ice, Ice Baby
Thought for the day:  If you’re going to walk on thin ice you might as well dance.

Yeah, so if you’re a regular on Facebook creeper, you have complaints about SOMETHING whether it be political rants, strong opinions, cats, or click yes if you believe in Jesus status updates.  For my little brother, Jon, it is baby photos (he’s at the age where all of his friends are procreating rapidly).  He created a cartoon called “non-existent baby” that he frequently posts in retaliation.  If he doesn’t have a cartoon, he posts photos of my nephew, Biscuit (a bad-ass cat) instead.  In my case, I struggle with the pro-gun posts (please don’t go there with me directly, like, ever) AND photos of beaches. On Facebook I follow (and love/hate) the senior cruise director for the Carnival Cruise line.  He is CONSTANTLY posting photos of turquoise waters and pristine beaches.  #(*%(*@)(*$!!!!!  Today the weather was butt on a stainless steel toilet seat COLD.  No.  Correction.  It was STAINLESS STEEL TOILET SEAT COLD……..with a healthy dose of dreary freezing rain on top (photo today). Looking at the cruise director’s posts today was like being forced to swallow ten packs of EXLAX.  The caveat though is that freezing rain makes everything look so freaking cake-like.  As I was looking at the beauty of it all, I decided to embrace it.  Spring is really just a month away and………… I.  CAN’T. BLEEP DE BLEEP. WAIT.

Note:  if you’d like to see some of my little bro’s Non-Existent Baby cartoons – search Jonathan Trolinger (hoping he has them set to public).

Eagle Porn & Pickup Lines

Day 246
Listening to: Everybody Everybody
Thought for the day: Boy you are FLY.

Eagle Porn & Pickup Lines

Note: This photo was taken today by the wonderful Brian White on the DuPont property in Old Hickory. Brian has absolutely nothing to do with the content of this blog (don’t want to implicate him in the demented ways of my thinking).

I know I post a lot of photos of the eagles. Truth is, I never get tired of seeing them or their photos. Brian, who took today’s photo and graciously shared it with me, tracks the wildlife on the DuPont, Old Hickory property. In a very adult and professional manner he told me he thought the male was trying to mate with the female this morning. My inner thoughts immediately went all 14-years old…….eagle bow chicka wow wow. Then I was all like……..EAGLE PORN!!!! EAGLE PORN AT WORK. How awesome is that?

If bald eagles could talk, what kind of pick-up lines would they use? I took a stab at a few (preparing to have rotten fruit thrown at me).

1. Hey baby. There may be snow on the rooftop, but there is fire in the furnace.
2. Are your wings tired ‘cause you’ve been flying through my mind all night.
3. Is that a small rodent in your pocket or are you happy to see me.
4. You’re no eagle cause you are robin my heart.
5. Sticks and stones my break my bones, but beaks and talons excite me.

Ok…….. I’ll stop.

She’s Never Seen An Indiana Jones Movie (BIG GASP)

Day 245
Listening to: Benny and the Jets
Thought for the day: “X” never, ever marks the spot. ~Indiana Jones

Wednesday Night Dinner Club – Macaroni Grill

Tonight was my pick! I chose my favorite chain restaurant (coupons can be persuasive in veering my group away from the unbeaten restaurant path). I learned something new about Macaroni Grill tonight. They offer readers (photo on the left) for their senior citizen patrons………. and me! How cool is that? The food was awesome, the happy hour deal was great, and our server was tops. My favorite thing about tonight, however, was the conversation. NONE of it was boring. The best conversation went like this:

Friend 1: I’ve never seen any of the Indiana Jones movies
Friend 2: WHAAAAT????
Me: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATT??? That’s blasphemy!
Friend 2: Harrison Ford is soooooooooooooooooo cute. I’m telling you. Watch Temple of Doom and you will be buying a fedora and whip for your husband.

Hey. With a whip and a fedora, friend 2 might qualify to go to the front door (photo to right). Yeahhh, Macaroni Grill needs to work on their hostess stand sign. The sign was another source of a lot of laughter.

OFF WITH HER HEAD FOR NOT CHASING HER DREAMS!

Day 244
Listening to:  It Had to Be You
Thought for the day: The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. ~ Oscar Wilde

Last week, one of my close friends who is at the top of the executive ladder of a company that shares real estate with my own employer on the Fortune 500 list asked me if I was happy in my job.  It was a simple question.  I couldn’t answer and he called me out on it. I love the people, but the job……… no.  My perspective is that in this economy no one can put happiness as the number one priority when it comes to a job.  It has been haunting me. In truth, I have settled. Last night I dreamed that a top DuPont executive put a bag over my head and paraded me in front of a crowd of strangers shouting, “SHE IS ASLEEP PEOPLE!” like I was an English Serf who had blasphemed Henry the VIII.  OFF WITH HER HEAD FOR NOT CHASING HER DREAM!  I awoke feeling shitty and went to work that way.

At one point, my manager walked into my office and asked me to type something for him (this is not normal).  I was in no mood to be anyone’s secretary. Numbly and without expression, I took the paper from him.  He left.  Anger set in and I wanted to chase after him and tell him to type it his effing self.  But I didn’t.  I typed.  After about 20 minutes of struggling to get my fingers to let go of the bad attitude, I finished. When I clicked on save, my screen went completely white (today’s photo) and then my computer crashed.   Basically, karma kicked my ASS.  I lost every bit of what I had typed.   I just sat there staring at the white screen trying to get a grip.  Reason eventually returned to me and I retyped the document with success.

Moral of the story?  She who cannot tolerate a reasonable amount of boredom doesn’t have enough money to buy Tootsie Rolls at the end of the day.