Be Wary of the Time Portal to 1918 – Day 68

Day 68
Listening to: CBS News
Thought for the day: If you want to live and thrive, let the spider run alive. ~American Quaker Saying

What is this? I’ll tell you what it is. It’s what kept me awake last night. I know it looks like a time portal to 1918 when gunpowder was king and so was George V, BUT IT’S NOT. IT’S A #)(*$&%*& SPIDER WEB…………..IN MY BASEMENT. I spotted it last week, but last night is crept into my sleeping brain and flipped my eyes open.

This morning I tried to find out what kind of spider builds this type of web. At first all I could find was information on the Australian Funnel Web Spider. Its bite is extremely toxic. A toxic Australian spider. In my basement. Great.

Turns out there are hundreds of varieties of funnel web spiders. I’m going to conclude that the spider that built this particular funnel web is friendly and likes mozzarella cheese, kettle chips, and Oreos (in that order).

I did additional research to figure out what to do. Should I call an exterminator or spider bomb my basement? I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do. There are those who think it’s best to leave spiders be as long as they aren’t in the house. I found some hilarious suggestions in my quest for knowledge about spiders in the basement that are worthy of sharing. Here they are…….

Kidnap one of their generals. Hang him by 3 legs in the open as an example to the rest. Offer amnesty if they’ll give up peacefully. If they don’t…Raid.

Put hedge apples around your house to poison them.

Feed ‘em hot fries. Like, place them in a little bowl in the corner. The spiders become your friends and they will leave you alone. It worked in my basement and my garage! I know it sounds crazy but trust me.

They aren’t immune to a blow-torch, I can guarantee you that.

I fucking hate spiders. I stepped on one a few weeks ago. Turns out it was pregnant. Anyone else ever see that shit?

I keep a 15″ Black Widow in my basement. It acts up now and then, but I think it’s something with the amp.

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