Do the Deer Wear Ray-Bans?

Day 351
Listening to: Fat Bottomed Girls
Thought for the day: Wile E. Coyote, Supergenius. I like the way it rolls out. Wile E. Coyote, Supergenius. ~Wile E. Coyote


Recently, coyotes have been spotted on my employer’s property in the area where I walk during my lunch period. How many people can say their employers provide a home for coyotes? You know me. I think it’s beyond cool, but I’ve promised our safety manager I won’t try to make friends with one. Statistics show they kill only 5 people per year. They are scared of humans for the most part, but the ones on my employer’s property have killed a deer.

Today, when I was on my lunch-time walk, Cliff and Kevin pulled up behind me in a company truck (today’s photo – Kevin is closest to the camera).

Cliff: Hey KB seen any coyotes?

Me: No.

Kevin: You know what to do if you see one right?

Me: No. I am going to Google it. What do I do?

Kevin: RUN!!! No. Wait. If you run, they’ll bite you in the ass. Seriously, you’re supposed to go at them like a half-crazed zombie (Kevin demonstrates his half-crazed zombie approach).

Cliff: They’ll only attack you if they have rabies. You know, like walkers (zombie coyotes – referencing The Walking Dead).

Me: You know they killed a deer right? I’m kind of similar to a deer so I should be scared.

Cliff: (laughing) KB! How are you similar to a deer?

Me: I’m, like, caught in the headlights all of the time.

Cliff: Oh! I thought you were going to tell me the deer around here wear Ray-Bans like yours.

I Googled coyote defense. The advice is to kick the coyote as hard as you can in the ribs while protecting your main arteries! Wile E. Coyote ain’t got a thing on me! MEEP MEEP.

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