The Tale of the Fred Flintstone Foot

Recipe Source: Chicago Time Herald
Year: N/A most likely 1930s
Recipe: Calvin the Cave Cricket Soda Lemonade
Music to cook by: Good Life

Calvin the Cave Cricket likes women!

My house was built in 1918 ………..sans a basement.  At some point, a man known simply as “Digging Bill”  started digging out basements under the houses in my neighborhood (1940s).  The long-time residents say his only tool was a hand shovel and that his sole motivation was to earn enough money to buy alcohol.  My house was the recipient of such a dirt diggin’ alcohol exchange.  You can see the pick marks in the wall.

This past weekend,  I twisted my foot on the last step leading down into my Diggin’ Bill-designed basement and fell. I fell hard.  It was dark. It was cold.  I could here the pinging of cave crickets on the plastic that serves as a make-shift floor.  Though I was in excruciating pain, thoughts of Calvin the Cave Cricket (pictured above) body slamming me and feasting on my meager brains provided the adrenaline necessary for me to get out of cave cricket hell………and get out fast.   As much as I’d like to tell you that I’d stand, fight, and defend the world from womanizing, ginormous cave crickets, I cannot.

Turns out the fall fractured my foot.   The grossly over-sized appendage that is now attached to my leg is fat, swollen, and discolored. It looks like a Fred Flintstone foot.   I have Fred Flintstone-itis………..yabbadabba do………..except my ability to “do” is limited.

Before deciding to send me to a Fred Flintstone Feetologist, my primary care physician wrote me a script for an anti-inflammatory medication that is typically prescribed for rheumatoid arthritis.  When she told me what she was prescribing, I thought to myself, “I bet there is a cure for swollen feet in my Great Grandmother’s collection of recipes and remedies.”  Low and behold, I was correct and it was a recipe I could make standing on one foot.

Soda Lemonade

Bicarbonate of soda (baking soda) is a remedy for a lot of things……………kind of like Vicks® Salve.  My best friend’s mom prescribed Vicks® Salve  for EVERYTHING (now known as Vicks® VapoRub®, but it’ll always be salve to me).  Projectile vomiting?  Dab a little Vicks® Salve on your tummy!   Pink eye?  Swab some menthol on that eye lid.  I bet  Vicks® Salve is an aphrodisiac for cave crickets.  We should ask Calvin.   I imagine if I put Vicks® Salve on the Flinstone foot,  the smell would be enough to distract my thoughts of any pain.  The Fred Flintstone Feetologist would probably frown at my Vicks® Salve remedy.

There are some people that claim baking soda can cure cancer (research at your own risk).   More commonly, it is used as an antacid, toothpaste, and skin softener/exfoliant. Since I was a wuss and not willing to try this concoction on its own for  ”gouty rheumatic tendencies,” I have no idea if it cures Fred Flintstone foot or not.  I can tell you that it tasted quite nice.

If you are on my schedule to get your butt kicked, let me know so that we can reschedule.



Add Comment Register

Leave a Reply