As you know I fractured my foot last week (see previous blog). I feel a monstrous and narcissistic need to talk about it. This need arises from the fact that I have to wear a Herman Munster-esque boot on my fractured foot. I feel clunky. I feel ugly. It begs the question. If Cinderella had donned Herman Munster boots, would Prince Charming have been drawn to her? Would he have traveled the villages high and low looking for the woman who had dropped one Herman Munster boot while hobbling away at midnight? PROBABLY NOT. Maybe I’ll test the theory out in a bar.
Despite it all, the experience of having a fractured foot has been ghoulishly entertaining. The fun actually started with the visit to the podiatrist where I was fitted with the Herman Munster boot. Dr. Munster Bootman massaged my foot while applying the bandages. It was nice. It was VERY nice. I enjoyed it a little too much! In my mind I broke out into a “When Harry Met Sally” restaurant moment. I think the doctor knew too because he said, “You have an avulsion fracture of the 5th metatarsal base. Can you remember that?” I said, “Ummmm”…..”Metatatatat” ……”Ummm”……”What?” Dr. Herman Munster Bootman smiled and said, “I’ll write it down for you.” While he was boasting about how good his handwriting was, I was like, “mmhmmm………could you rub my foot again?”
As I drug my booted foot out of the doctor’s office like some Amazonian Quasimoto, my mind raced to find a good story to use in response to the barrage of questions I knew I would receive when I showed up at work. My initial story was that I had been injured while defending the world against cave crickets. Thankfully, my deviant coworkers came up with a better rumor………… a rumor worthy of some kind of rumor-creating Pulitzer-prize-thingy award. According to them, I fell off a pole while dancing at the club.
The rumor spread quickly. It spread so fast that the daily-deal website known as Groupon apparently got wind of my horrific foot-crackin’ pole incident. Yesterday, they sent me the below advert. Yes, it’s an advert for pole-challenged peeps. A real deal! Not just fifty, but FIFTY-FIVE percent off regular prices. I think they added the extra 5% off for Herman Munster-booted women like me!
Let me circle back to my original question and add to it. Would Prince Charming go after Cinderella if she was wearing Herman Munster boots while dancing on a pole at the grand ball? PROBABLY!