Happy National Men in Heat Week

I received this advert in the mail yesterday.


I do consider myself somewhat of a scented candle hoarder (mainly for the purpose of masking the odoriferous scent of dog, old woman, and old house stank), but I’m not sure giving me a candle would end in kisses.   Now this gift, on the other hand…………………….

KB and Tootsie Rolls = Unconditional Love

This week has been a bit strange for me in the man-attraction department.  Male attention given to me has been unprecedented.  I’m scratching my head.  Maybe I smell like horny deer pheromones. Who knows.  I have started to think maybe it is just National Men in Heat Week or NMHW (I’m sure there is a motorcycle rally for it somewhere).   With NMHW in mind, I’m a bit afraid to ask, but………….. if you’re a man would giving you a candle earn me kisses? I’m not sure I want any of you to answer at the height of NMHW.  The one man I would want kisses from would most likely answer with a resound “no.”

My Great Grandmother’s journal is loaded with recipes and anecdotes, but on the back of some of the loose clippings there are adverts that are just as absurd as the “Give Candles Get Kisses” sales beckoning.  Despite their absurd alien-esque antiquity, I think they are beautiful and I wanted to share.

Circa ~1912

Just in time for HNMW!  Hey boys……..  what could be better than looking through a woman’s clothes at her nakedness with the X-Ray Kathodoscope?  hmmmm?   I wonder how many prepubescent boys ordered this contraption in hopes of seeing the unthinkable.  Can’t you just see them rushing to check the mail each day?

Circa ~1912

When it’s not NMHW, men have good ideas.  I wonder what would have happened if a 1912-ish Steve Jobs had sent in an idea to this address for a Macintosh computer?  I bet Randolph & Co. Patent Attorneys would have chunked it!!

Circa ~1912

If it truly is NMHW, I do not want to know what you would do with this contraption.

Seeing this ad made me realize how much we take current technology for granted.  These days, anyone can make a  movie.  Everyone has “ideas” ……….and not just the patent kind. One of my Twitter followers tweeted the following today:

@LoveFilmFunds:  ”When you make a film you usually make a film about an idea.” Sydney Pollack.. If you made a film about an idea. what would it be?

I had such a movie idea come to me this week.  It happened when  I plowed into a public restroom stall and saw the sight in the next picture.  My mind went totally berserk.

Have you seen the movie A Message in a Bottle?  Well, for me this moment was my movie idea.  This moment was A Message in a Toilet.  Was this watery message a plea for reconciliation to a long lost lover? Was it a confession of undying love? MAYBE it was a wish list for NMHW?    My movie might even focus on how insane I was for taking a picture of A Message in a Toilet.   I suppose it is entirely possible the stall was out of paper. BUT….  Who in their right mind would use a NMHW wish list to wipe?   Of course, men in heat might like the idea of an NMHW wish list wiping.  Sydney Pollack, here I come!

NOTE:  Next week, I cook again!  BEWARE.